anticipation kills

Talk to my wife about me and she would quickly attest to my social awkwardness. This awkwardness reaches fatal levels during the holiday season. Gifting giving in itself it a source of stress, though for me even reaching gifts is difficult, probably even more difficult.

Case in point: My wife comes home yesterday, excited about a secret. She couldn’t hold it in, so she had to reveal to me that someone was planning a wonderful gift for me, later this week or next. This would make most people very excited. But for me it is the beginning of a downward spiral—Let me explain.

First thing that happens when she makes the revelation, a) excitement, oh there is something for me. What could it be? b) No really, what could it be! After berating her for a while, she closes up & doesn’t offer any more help. This is the point where my thoughts spiral upwards, towards the heavens of possibilities.  This quickly manifests into a ridiculous beast, i.e., new car, cabin in Colorado, book deal, imac, touring with U2…well you get the idea.

The real problem comes when I actually have to come to the reality of the gift. What do you do when you open up the box and it is just a shirt, a nice shirt but a shirt nonetheless. This is the moment when the giver expects the magic to happen, the twinkle in the eye, the joyous exclamation of thanks, but usually all I can muster is a half fake smile and a thanks; while inside I am resenting the gift and the giver for not being the Ferrari that I obviously deserve.

I write this simply to show my depravity as a human being. And when I say the anticipation is killing me, mark my word, I’m speaking the literal truth.