weirdness

this has been a weird week. most of my life in pretty dry and bland but this week has been full of crazy stuff. i hungout with a girl and later a friend of her’s monday night. it was nice but at the same time really boring. i’ve been stuck in the rut of never being where i want to be and always being somewhere that i wish i wasn’t.

last night was interesting i ended up a common grounds twice with a couple of hours between. the second time i was there the server called me ma’am which oddly enough is the seconod time it’s happened at common grounds in the past couple of weeks. i think it’s really funny, i wouldnt take offense to something like that unless it was meant maliciously which in these cases i’m pretty sure it wasn’t.

today talking with jake about moving only frustrated me. he brought up this idea that for most people god doesn’t have exact plans for us. to him (jake) god is happy with us when we serve him and he (god) is happy in however we choose to do that. gosh why can’t things be simpler, this whole freewill thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. i like clear instructions because i always feel like i’m doing it wrong if i’m given vague guidelines.

but looking at things from this point a lot of other things make sense and also don’t seem to matter as much. looking at things from a liberal point of view makes life simple. i mean who cares if we came from monkeys or from adam because all i’m supposed to do is glorify god. i know god exists. i cant explain why i believe that. i mean from an empirical point of view it seems pretty wild but feelings are to real emotions to close…you just know.

everything almost makes sense until i consider jesus. i have such a hard time putting him into the puzzle. it’s true that he’s the stumbling block because i stumble over him all the time. i just dont get how this whole savior thing works. i mean i could tell you all the scripture to explain it but that would be just avoiding the question i think.

this stuff about abraham makes since, having faith and it being counted as righteousness. but when you add jesus to that equation i start to lose my grasp. i’m tired of having faith blindly, i want to understand i want to hold tightly to the truth and not let go.

well i’m done with this rambling…