jonah(not tolbert)

well tonight kent spoke about jonah, it was a introduction of sorts into this study of missions. this was very interesting to me because at my last small group we studied this story. when stuff like this happens it really gets my attention because it seems that god must have somethign for me to learn from it. i guess the thing that really made me think was how it corresponds to my plans of moving to seattle. the idea of obedience really makes me think. it makes me want to really start praying about this. because it seems like that seattle is where i should be going come next fall. but i’m really starting to get scared about it, it’s starting to look like the mountains between me and washington are just growing. i’m not really sure how i can get out there and make it, but i’m drawn out there. it seems like i can grow in ways that i just can’t here. lately i’ve been very conscience of the idea of running from problems. i don’t want to run, i know that running isn’t going to solve any problems as the case of jonah. but unless i’m betraying myself i don’t feel like this is the reason for the move. i’m just so damn confortable here, i need the push, that same push i’m becoming fearful of. this talk tonight also helped me to remember a lot of what has been pushed back, this idea of god’s heart for the world. god wants more than just some nice looking christians living in there little bubble but that is what i’m stuck in. even my parents, who i think are pretty smart when it comes to christianity, have become numb to everything…they know the answers but they don’t have anything in their heart pushing them beyond routines of life. i need new influences and new people/places to influence. i’ve been holding back from talking to people about seattle for one reason, i’ve been scared that i’m going to fail, not go, and then look dumb. but damn it i need to do this, i’ve got to quit quiting things, i need to see this through.